A Boy and His Dad

I promised to post about this, so here we go!

My husband Randy has been my best friend since I met him at 20 years old.  For those of you who know him, you know that he is a man of few words, but when he speaks, everyone listens.  He has been described as “hard to read” and some of my friends have even asked me, “Does Randy like me?”  And the answer is that of course he does, but it can be hard to tell.

As Ryan opens up more and more each day, there are so many similarities between the two of them.  Both of them have the ability to memorize things easily.  Their sense of direction is amazing.  They both love maps.  Ryan often has a bit of a sarcastic tone when he is using humor in his communications; Randy is often sarcastic.  I would also say that both of them are now “hard to read.”

Randy recently pursued an internal job opportunity within his company that was based in the Dallas, Texas area.  This was a great career opportunity for him and it would mean that we would be closer to family again, with his mother Margaret and sister Jennifer and their families living in that area.  Well, Randy of course beat out six candidates for the position and began the job in April of this past year.  Ryan, Grace, and I stayed behind in San Jose, California to finish out the school year (but really, I wanted to get some more RPM workshops in for Ryan before leaving and there were several local ones that we attended through June).  Randy has been staying with Margaret and we recently purchased a home and he is now living there.  Randy has traveled back to San Jose a few times since April, but the most recent trip was one at the end of May.  It has been a long time since we have gotten to hug him.

Thank goodness for FaceTime!  This has been so helpful during this time of transition.  Now that Ryan has been a lot more flexible with the letter board outside of sessions, we have had Ryan and Randy communicate via FaceTime.  It has been nothing short of amazing.  Ryan now requests FaceTime with Randy on a nightly basis and I wanted to share with you a few conversations that they have had together.

One of the first times that Ryan requested FaceTime was the day before Father’s Day.  I was explaining to Ryan about how I wanted to do stuff on Father’s Day that Randy would like to do like go on a hike, eat out at one of our favorite lunch places, go to the park, and Ryan began to get sad.  I asked him what was wrong and he replied:  I AM MISSING MY DAD.  “Do you want to FaceTime with him?”  YES (which prior to this, Ryan avoided any attempt at FaceTime with any family member). We got Randy on FaceTime and he wrote:  I AM MISSING YOU AND MOM IS STRESSED OUT WHEN YOU ARE NOT HERE.  DONT UNDERSTAND WHY YOU ARE MY DAD AND YOU ARE NOT HERE ON FATHERS DAY?  Randy then explained to him about the job and the other responsibilities and how he couldn’t make it for the weekend.  Ryan replied:  YOU ARE TOO FAR AWAY.  Randy agreed with him and I then asked him if he had anything else to say to Dad?  YES.  YOU ARE MY HERO.

Just this past Saturday, Ryan once again requested to go to a REPAIR STORE for one of our outings.  He has been asking to do this for over two weeks now.  Reisa, our babysitter, has taken Ryan out to several of the ones in the area.  I have too.  We have hit every Home Depot, Lowe’s, Orchard Supply Hardware, and ACE Hardware in the area.  Ryan loves looking around and walking up and down the aisles.  I have asked him about this and he has stated that he wants to REPAIR STUFF WITH DAD.  He has told him this on FaceTime too and also reminded him:  REMEMBER DAD, SOMEDAY I WANT TO REPAIR THINGS WITH YOU.  Randy and I both chuckled and I said, “Ryan, there is no way that we would forget that as we have been waiting for over 8 years to hear about any interests that you have!”  Well later that day, I came up with the idea to do an RPM lesson about essential tools needed for a toolbox.  I figured that Ryan might know some of them but I researched and provided a lot of details (and I learned a lot!) and came up with what I thought was a great lesson.  As we sat down to do the lesson, about half way through, Ryan began crying and slapping his head and banging on the table.  I asked him what was wrong? THE LESSON IS TOO BORING!  Now he has criticized my lessons before, but I knew that there was more to this as he was still crying.  I told him this and then I asked if he wanted to talk to Dad about it.  YES.  We got Randy on FaceTime and Ryan spelled in the midst of his sobbing;  DONT KNOW IF I CAN KEEP GOING WITHOUT YOU HERE.  Randy explained to him that it would only be a few more days until they would be reunited.  Randy then asked, “Do you think that you can make it a few more days?’ NOT SURE. I MISS YOU SO MUCH. YOU ARE MY HERO.

So again, on Sunday, Ryan seemed a bit down.  I texted Randy asking if he would be available for FaceTime earlier.  Of course this wasn’t a problem.  Ryan was watching Thomas the Tank Engine on his iPad (I should probably say more like listening to it.) Randy noticed that and made mention of it.  I replied that he had had Thomas on for most of the morning (which was a bit unusual for him because he has other videos that he usually prefers like Leap Pad ones, Teach to Talk, and Mickey Mouse Clubhouse).  Ryan then spelled:  THOMAS HAS A CALMING EFFECT ON ME. (I found this fascinating!) They conversed for a bit and at the end, Ryan stated:  NOT A DAY GOES BY EVERY THOUGHT IS DETERMINED BY OUR REUNION.  CANT WAIT TO SEE YOU.

This is when I had the thought of making a blog post about this and their relationship.  It is amazing to me to witness the immense love that Ryan has for Randy.  The thing is, you would have never guessed it prior to this.  Ryan is not affectionate with Randy.  If Randy and I are in the room with him, Ryan will go to me to get his needs met.  Now, don’t get me wrong, Randy spends plenty of time with Ryan.  One of their favorite things to do together is to go on long drives and hike through beautiful parks.  Their bond is one of very little spoken word.  Ironically though, Randy did not know where he stood with Ryan until this time apart.

Their last FaceTime during this transition occurred on Monday night.  At the end, Ryan stated:  ONE MORE INTERESTING THING TO SAY.  ONE MORE DAY UNTIL WE ARE NEVER APART AGAIN.

So today is that day!  All of us cannot wait to have Randy back with us full time!  Our big move to Texas is this week, so please wish us luck!